The only way to get better is to practice. What you need is to know yourself well enough, and to spend enough time in your own body, tuning into your own energy, in your own self awareness to know at any given moment whether you need to invite something or someone in (integration) or if what you need is more segmentation. You're not even going to want to do it the same way every time. I'm going to do it the same way every time.”īut the truth of the matter is, you're not going to do it the same way every time. I'm going to follow said rulebook and I'm going to follow it well. This creates some discomfort for people, because boundaries would be easier if you could say, “I'm going to just say no to all of these things. Yet half of the work around boundaries is inviting people to be closer. Pretty much all of our fears around boundaries are about the distance that we create. When we need to create more space or if things are too segmented, the boundary practice that we need to have in that instance is integration. An act that often creates fear in people.Īs humans, we don't want to feel separated from people. We have to understand that if that slightly left of center spot is our happy zone, sometimes when we need to set a boundary, what we need to do is create more space. This is why work:life balance is so difficult, right? Integration is a happier place for us typically than segmentation. The challenge presents when our lives are largely integrated. So closer toward integration, but not by much. The happiest of people sit on this scale from integration on the left to segmentation on the right, a little bit left of center. If and when our personal energy tank is closer to E, a Colin can derail even our best of intentions. If our sense of self, our personal energy is on FULL that day, a Colin won’t have much of an impact.īoundaries are your garlic necklace when faced with an energy vampire. It is an excellent summation of what we’re contending with.Įnergy Vampire Colin Robinson drains Energy in the Internet | What we do in the Shadows - S02E07Ī run in with a Colin (AKA an Energy Vampire) can last a few minutes or much longer if we don’t have our boundaries locked and loaded. I’ve included a short YouTube video from the show that illustrates the spirit of an Energy Vampire we have all fallen victim to. He’s an Energy Vampire and oh so perfecto! Have you ever watched “What We Do In The Shadows”? There’s one particular character who I simply adore, Colin Robinson. This leaves the door wide open for an unwelcome guest… Enter An Energy VampireĪn Energy Vampire may show its fangs, so to speak, as we’re trying to unwind from work stuff by scrolling social media. Many of us work from home and many of us have one device on which we get all our communications, or we use our computer for both work and personal activities. (Work:life balance is an unobtainable pipe dream in my opinion a focus on life:work harmony is a more worthwhile pursuit.) It is when the lines are less cut and dry, or not fleshed out much at all. I liken segmentation to being cut and dry. But that does not mean it is a good boundary, necessarily. On this scale, segmentation lends to a “strong” boundary. When you look at boundary research, there is a scale that goes from integration to segmentation. It is their flexibility and ability to shift that gives them their strength. What Research Shows Us About Boundariesīoundaries are movable and flexible, not solid and firm like we often think they must be to be effective. Or are they like nails to a chalkboard as far as you’re concerned?Īll of these factors matter. Another determining factor can be whether or not you like this person. They’re based on how we feel that day, the state of our energy at the time, as well as the state of our emotions.įactors like eating in a way that provides you the nourishment and the energy you need. They are difficult because they are not a set of hard and fast rules.īoundaries are factors of discernment, having keen insight and judgment in any given situation. Boundaries are scenario-dependent and meant to shift in accordance. One critical aspect of any successful collaboration is boundary work. My word for 2023 is collaboration and I aim to embody the true spirit of collaboration in every project I undertake this year.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |